I'm Still Here
by Jenasisity
Summary: If only I had known then. Then maybe, I wouldn't be here, a phantom of the brother they love. Then maybe, we'd all be at home right now, curled up in front of the T.V, enjoying each other's warmth and comfort, like we should be doing. Maybe then I wouldn't be here, watching my brothers slowly fall apart, drowning in their regrets and tears. (One-Shot)


**Disclaimer: Okay, why? Just... _why_?! We all _know_ that I don't own them. So why must I keep saying it and torture myself?! _WHY_?! **

**Okay, so...after a _long_ time of me being away, I am back and I bring you a new one-shot! A sad, dark, depressing one-shot. Hehe. Enjoy. :) **

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" _If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I would walk straight up to heaven and bring you home again."_

 _~ Unknown_

" _Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don't disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms."_

 _~ Paulo Coelho, Aleph_

Michelangelo jumped from rooftop to rooftop before sliding to a stop on top of an old, abandoned antique shop and checked his Shellcell. No texts or missed calls. His eyes swept over to the clock displayed on the top of the screen. 12:47 in the morning. He tilted his head in surprise. His brothers should be out on patrol right about now. He wondered why they hadn't contacted him yet before sighing, knowing they must still be upset about earlier.

He had messed up on their nightly patrol the night before, causing the team to lose a skirmish between the tincan and his sorry excuse for an army of ninjas. Mikey remembered how they barely made it out intact, thanks to him. He had tripped an alarm and his brothers had saved their shells. Leo and Raph held the army off while Donnie made up an escape route. If it wasn't for his brothers, they'd all been dead meat. He sighed and continued on his way. He knew he'd probably run across his brothers sometime soon and then he could apologize. Then they could run along home and cuddle on the couch, like they do every Friday night, watching movies and joking with each other, since they got Saturday off. Suddenly, he heard a voice cut though his thoughts.

"Michelangelo, run!" Leo's frantic call made Mikey's head snap up. His eyes widened at the scene transpiring in front of him. He didn't even realize that he had stopped only one rooftop away from where his brothers were…fighting the Foot…and losing. Raph and Donnie seemed to be down, restrained by some kind of chains. But they were alive and awake. Leo on the other hand, was still fighting his hardest. Sweat was dripping down his forehead and he was breathing heavily. His eyes grew wide when he spotted his baby brother. Raph and Donnie's eyes darted to him as well when they heard Leo's words. The Foot took this chance to take Leo down, seeing as he was distracted. They didn't try to kill him and Mikey took a moment to thank whatever god there was above that they had just restrained him like Donnie and Raph. Michelangelo stared on with wide eyes. Seeing his older brothers getting pushed around and seeming so defenseless just made something inside him crack.

He gulped as he started to shake uncontrollably, his eyes never leaving the scene in front of him. His brothers' eyes never left his own as well and he could see that they were silently begging him to turn and flee, to get away from danger, to save himself. He snapped. He saw nothing but red. He _wanted_ nothing but red. He screamed a battle cry as he leaped into combat, taking down the group that he had landed in out in a matter of seconds. Blind rage consumed him as he sped towards his brothers. Their faces would have been priceless if not for the circumstances. He all but danced around the army, delivering blows and avoiding the ones they threw his way. Before long, Mikey was breathing heavily and sweat was dripping down his neck as he took out the last of the ninjas. His gaze moved to his brothers, who was only a few feet away. Astonishment and amazement were etched into their features. Mikey beamed down at them and that seemed to snap out of their daze. Donnie grinned back, Raph gave his signature smirk and Leo simply smiled and chuckled while shaking his head slightly. Leo opened to his mouth to say something, but his smile turned to a look of panic and fear and Mikey blinked, confused.

"Mikey, _watch out_!" All three of them cried out at the same moment, fighting against their chains. Michelangelo suddenly felt a presence behind himself and he whirled around, only to be met by the Shredder, face to face. His eyes widened as the Shredder sneered maliciously, and before Mikey could even open his mouth, sent his blade into his chest, fully through his plastron. He gave a choked cry as the blade made its way through his figure, shell and all.

It was silent for a second, then the night's peaceful quiet was cut with three shrieks of agony, terror and fury. Mikey stumbled back and started to fall when Shredder pulled his blades back into his gauntlet. He heard the snap of metal and not a second later, a three fingered grip caught him in their arms and he could vaguely make out the sounds of people screaming and swearing. Their voices became clearer as Mikey focused on them. He slowly opened his eyes to see his three brothers staring back at him.

Leo on his right, Donnie on his left and Raph standing behind him. Donnie was yelling something at him, his eyes wide, filled with pain, fear and anger. Mikey couldn't make the words out. And he felt his eyes become heavier, the desire to sleep was almost overwhelming. If only he could only rest for a minute, just a moment. Mikey let himself give another strangled breath and he closed his eyes.

The three teens felt their hearts sink and panic fill their souls when their youngest brother closed his eyes and became limp. Raph was the first to react.

"Mikey! Don't you dare close your eyes…Mikey…come on, don't do this," Raph's voice broke. His head dropped and he grabbed Mikey's hand, holding it in his own; his grip never faulting. Mikey's eyes slowly opened as he lightly grasped Raph's hand. Raph's head snapped up, his eyes shining with unshed tears, and Mikey smiled lightly; reassuringly. Mikey's gaze moved to his other two brothers and Leo took this chance to slide even closer, bending over Mikey.

"Why? Why'd you do it? I told you to run! Why didn't you? W-Why…just why," Leo whispered as he pulled Mikey into his lap, wrapping his hands around the wound, and burrowing his face in Mikey's neck. Mikey only gave a short laugh, which sounded almost like a struggled breath.

"W…When I saw you…you guys…I…I don't know…It…It was like s…something snapped…and…and I k…knew…the o…only way I could possibly s…save you…was to…to stand and…and fight," Mikey whispered, leaning back into Leo, overlooking the intense amount of agony that came with that tiny movement, though he couldn't stop the small cry that came with it.

Donnie gulped and was immediately in Mikey's face. His eyes darted between the three large wounds that were still leaking blood, even around Leo's hands, who had immediately placed his hands on the wound when he first reached Mikey. Donnie moved his hand over the wounds and Leo let him. Donnie was shaking so bad. His gaze moved to Mikey's and Mikey almost winced at the slightly older turtle's expression; twisted in horror and agony. Mikey slowly raised his hand and placed it on Donnie's cheek, his smile never leaving his face.

"C…Come on, D…Donnie…s..smile," Mikey murmured tiredly. He was losing his strength, and fast. The pain was almost unbearable. Donnie shook his head as tears streamed down his face. He placed his hand over Mikey's and bent down, placing his forehead against Mikey's. Mikey smiled softly up at Donatello as he leaned further back against Leonardo, and squeezed Raphael's hand.

"I…I don't want to…to leave y…you guys," Mikey whispered as a few tears of his own slid down his cheeks. Leo instinctively pulled Mikey closer against him. Raph's grip tightened immensely and Donnie gave a choked sob.

"Mikey, please…just _please_ , on hold…don't leave us just yet," Mikey felt tears on his neck and shoulder as Leo begged him. Mikey sighed painfully and titled his head towards the dark clouded sky, with a sad smile and choked laugh.

"S…So unfair…you…you know I'd do any…anything for y…you guys. You will…will be f…fine without m…me," Mikey whispered, wincing as Donnie pressed harder down on his wound. They all had some reaction to his words. He heard a sob behind him and Raph's head snapped up and tears threatened to fall as he growled at his baby brother.

"How could you say such a thing? We need you! We need you so much!" He finished in a broken snarl, trembling so badly and Mikey immediately felt bad. He placed his hand back on Raph's cheek and the older leaned into it. This was so odd to Mikey, Raph was never this soft and vulnerable, and it broke Mikey's heart seeing him like this. He smiled slightly up at Raph and gave a quick glance to Donnie and Leo, who both had tears coursing down their cheeks, though their eyes never left his.

"T…This ain't a…a fairy tale, t…there's no…no…happy ending this t…time, d…don't worry…it…it won't be l…like this for…for long," Mikey looked back up at the sky as he took his final breath. With a last signature smile to his brothers, his eyes started to close.

"I…I love you g…guys so…so much…f…forever and…and always," Mikey breathed out as his eyes closed. His figure falling limp in his brothers' arms.

The three teens stared at the unmoving body of their youngest brother, too traumatized and too fearful to move. Leo was the first one to respond this time. He shook his brother's figure slightly from behind, which turned to full out shaking when no response was given.

"Mikey! Come on, bro…no, don't go…say something… open your eyes, please…no, oh god, please _no_ ," Leo's cries had turned to whispers and pleas as he held his brother tightly, rocking back and forth with his beak buried in Mikey's neck, no longer trying to hold the tears back. Donnie was sobbing, his hand over his face, mumbling his younger brother's name and other indecipherable words and broken sentences. Raphael just stared on, his eyes wide. He moved towards his fallen brother and shook his arm, trying to arouse him somehow.

"Stop playing around…come on, Mikey, this isn't funny…bro, wake up… _wake up_!" Raph's voice broke as he called his brother's name, tears starting to fall. He lowered his head and still clung to Mikey's hand that, not a few seconds earlier, held so much warmth and comfort for Raphael. But he still clung to it; hoping, praying; that somehow, this was all a dream and he would wake up and find his brother alive and well in his small bed that was positioned not a few meters away in the small room they shared, snuggling into his warm pillows, but he knew, deep down, that he would never get to experience that again.

Neither would Donnie or Leo. None of the remaining brothers would ever be able to be the one that aroused him in the mornings anymore, to see his striking sapphire eyes slowly slide open, blinking in confusion a few times, to only snap open a second later and have him jump up with a delightful giggle and envelope his arouser in a warm, kind, loving hug. Never will they hear his delighted jokes and laughs that enhanced the room in a matter of milliseconds. Never again would they be whole, for the worst had happened. Four had become three.

The lair was quiet. It always was now, though it never should be. Just the lack of noises was enough to tell you something was horribly wrong. Mikey got the feeling the second he stepped into the old entrance way. He took a few steps towards the kitchen, looking for three certain turtles. They weren't there. _Where to next?_ He asked himself. He steadily made his way to the dojo, maybe they were in there…nope. Nothing. Not even Leo. _One place left to check_ , He told himself. He walked towards the large area in the middle of the lair, and spotted his targets. He sighed as he watched them watch the TV watch them. Yep, they were in fact staring at a blank screen, it staring right back.

Mikey saw the redness and bags under their eyes and heaved a sigh. He flipped over the couch, and their heads, landing professionally on both feet, his hands on his hips. He frowned at the group. He didn't say anything, just took in their appearances fully. Donnie had tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes were red rimed, as all their eyes were. Leo had his eyes down, gazing at nothing in particular, Raph had his head up, but his eyes downcast as well. Donnie watched the clouds out of the small grate in the ceiling.

"I miss him," Donnie whispered as a few stray tears slid down his cheeks. Leo exhaled softly and looked up as well. Raph remained silent.

"I know, I do too," Leo said quietly as he watched the clouds drift overhead. Mikey could see the unshed tears in his eyes, along with Raph who was still focusing on the ground. Suddenly, Donnie seemingly snapped. He bolted up and smashed his fist into the cement wall. Mikey, as well as the others, jumped at this sudden outburst. Mikey shuffled forward and what he saw nearly broke his heart.

Donnie was shaking so bad and tears streamed down his face. His eyes were wide with pain and anger and his teeth were clenched tightly. Abruptly, he fell to his knees. Mikey knelt down beside his brothers as Raph and Leo enveloped Donnie in a hug. It seemed to shock them when Donnie clung tightly to them. Whether he was trying to hide from the truth or just embarrassed was unknown, but it didn't seem to matter to the two others.

"He wasn't supposed to leave!" Donnie cried out as he clung to his brothers. Leo took a shuddering breath as Raph closed his eyes tight at his younger brother's words.

"I can't really say that everything thing will be okay, 'cause in all certainty, it isn't…and never will be. We lost something that can never be replaced…not by anything…and I know…I know damn well, how much this _hurts_! But Mikey will always be on our minds and forever in our hearts," Leo whispered as he let his tears fall silently.

Mikey smiled sadly, but lovingly, over at them as he watched them all comfort each other. For he could do nothing more. He couldn't step forward and wrap the three grieving teens into his arms. He couldn't speak to them and have them hear. He couldn't lighten the mood with his presence like he used to. For, in all actuality, he truly wasn't really there to begin with.

But as his ghostly figure dissolved into nothingness, the three turtles' heads snapped up, and their eyes searched the room for the impossible. But they still couldn't shake the feeling, that for a second there, just a millisecond, they had felt their lost brother's presence and heard his voice. Slowly, the three teenagers' faces gained a small smile. And they knew they'd be okay. For a very angel had been the one who promised them it.

" _I'm still here. I'm always and always will be here. I'll be with you…forever…_ "

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 **Hehe. How'd ya like that? xD Please review with your thoughts and emotions. Have a great day! xD**


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